Pride Profile: Trans Coach Kaig Lightner

Role models have been in short order these days. That’s no insult to you, parents, who are, of course, the ultimate role models. But the isolation kids have experienced over the pandemic has shielded our youth from the kind of outside influences that not only enrich young people’s lives, but give them dimension.

Let’s face it, teachers and coaches are at the top of the “Influencer” food chain. These roles in the lives of kids can be significant and go far beyond the actual sport or subject they instruct. But some coaches have the opportunity to do more. Virtues like compassion, open-mindedness, and  acceptance are not expected to be taught on the soccer field or basketball court, but when they are, it’s a huge bonus. Those are the coaches that transcend their jobs and have the power to help shape society. Coach Kaig Lightner is one of those coaches.

Kaig (pronged CAGE) played a lot of sports, including soccer growing up in Redmond, Washington. He was a “tomboy” and a natural athlete. In college, he was part of the number one women’s rowing team at University of Washington where he was voted “most inspirational.” But ultimately it was soccer that Kaig connected with. “I chose soccer because I fell in love with coaching it at the age of 15. Through the coach’s eyes I saw the beauty of the game and through the player’s eyes that beauty resonated in my soul,” he told us.

As Kaig was building his career, working for clubs and training kids, he was also coming to terms with the fact that his more masculine gender identity was not aligning with the sex of female assigned at birth. This was a challenging time for him, both personally and professionally, but one he realizes was one of the most rewarding periods of his life. With the help of surgery and hormones, Kaig was able to evolve into a whole person whose skin he could inhabit and feel like himself.

Obviously, this is a deeply personal decision that is up to one person and one person only; the person who is transitioning. At some point, however, that person has to step into the world and live their lives as their true gender. To say that Kaig did this with confidence and ease would be fitting. There’s a video that went viral of him coming out to his team in 2017. Coaching is such an intimate and powerful role, and to see him as a coach share this personal piece of his life shows the kind of trust and closeness the team feels for one another.

At Portland Community Football Club (PCFC), the club where Kaig coaches and is the founding executive director, he is able to create an environment that is both competitive and inclusive. What’s important to him is to be able to give the gift of soccer to kids, as both a way to be active, be on a team, and learn the powerful lessons the game can teach. PCFC primarily serves low-income, immigrant, and refugee youth ages 5-18. Not surprisingly, the club is also a place where LGBTQ+ youth find a place to feel welcomed and accepted. This is especially important right now as dark forces are doing everything they can to prevent transgender youth from participating in sports. “As a queer trans person, the only place I felt comfortable was on the field as an athlete,” Kaig recalls of his own youth. “To take that away from someone who could be having a life-changing experience is not just harmful, it’s cruel.”

According to the Human Rights Campaign, 2021 is making history for the number of LGBTQ+ State Legislative Attacks that have been filed. One of the bills being widely promoted is to ban trans youth from playing on sports teams. Is this really what we need to be focusing on? What exactly is the danger here? Boys are not going to dress up as girls so they can win a state softball championship. This is not about on-field advantage or winning or losing, this is about children finding their way in this world and using sports as a vehicle to do so.

It’s true that gender is nothing to be scared of, but it is more complicated than we once believed. The pronouns alone can be intimidating, while acts of repression and hate are at an all-time high, the Pride rainbow only grows more vibrant with new pronouns gaining visibility. It’s not surprising. When you try and repress a group of people and culture, chances are it will only make them closer and stronger.

No one understands this more than Kaig, who has added another element to his “Most Inspirational” coaching resume. Kaig created Quantum Gender, a consulting business that redefines the way organizations think about gender. His instruction goes beyond just checking the diversity box of inclusion for LGBTQ+ employees or coaches, and goes deeper into the issues of sexism, privilege, and patriarchy. Getting a pronoun wrong is of course forgivable, but not examining your own relationship with a community as vibrant and emerging as the LGBTQ+ is a waste of an opportunity to learn. And that’s why we are lucky enough to have the Coach Kaig’s of the world to teach us.