How Men Should Be Coaching Girl’s and Women’s Soccer

The recent events of the NWSL are spurring a lot of conversations about men coaching women in soccer. Yet, this isn’t the first time we’ve seen this topic. It’s been an issue for years.

We continue to fight for equality. And not just equality, but to fight not to be abused. For the progression of women’s soccer, we need at least the bare minimum: male coaches who treat their players with respect. We know that male coaches vastly outnumber female coaches, so without this happening, the sport can never really thrive in the positive way we need it it. With that said, We wanted to highlight the appropriate behaviors and coaching practices that we should expect of male coaches and how coaching should fit women’s psychology. 

Fundamentals

First, before someone even becomes a coach, there need to be rigorous background checks and interviews. Just because someone is a well-respected coach or wins many games does not correlate to how they treat and respect their players. 

Next, no more body shaming. No more comments about bodies, period. There have been too many stories of disordered eating, extreme dieting, and over-exercising because of a coach’s harsh and, many times, unattainable expectations. The reality is that all soccer players look different; all women look different. The fact that grown men commenting and picking apart girls’ and women’s bodies is normalized is not okay. Ever.

On a related note, derogatory criticism is completely different from constructive criticism. Derogatory criticism from male coaches is not okay and we should not overlook it. For far too long, it’s been normalized as being for the players’ best interest or growth, but we see that derogatory criticism is causing mental health harm. Sometimes, this can be subtle.

For example:

If a coach says, “You need to work on your speed. Here are some drills that can help” This is acceptable.

If a coach says: “Looks like that Thanksgiving stuffing is slowing you down you need to pick it up,” That is unacceptable.

Leagues, coaches, leaders, and people responsible for players” well-being have overlooked the verbal and sexual abuse of many male coaches. It’s time to start demanding better. Most of the time these are small inflictions that slowly wear on a girl’s psyche. Comments. Looks. An overly harsh tone of voice. And sometimes they are much more sinister as we have been made aware of by the athletes on the US Gymnastics team and the recent scandal in the NWSL. If we’re going to end the kind of failures that have happened at the highest level of sport, we need to uproot it at its source and give girls the tools they need to be whistle-blowers before the abuse starts.

Training

Additionally, women’s brains are fundamentally different from men’s, so coaching should be designed to fit that difference. Compared to men, women’s brains focus on the whole picture. So, coaches should design drills and explain how they fit into the game rather than blindly ordering players to do them.

Women also tend to focus on people and relationships, rather than men, who focus on objects and self-interest. This means that men who coach women should foster an inclusive and positive environment for team chemistry to form, not create a competitive environment where players constantly compare themselves to each other.

Females tend to want the whole experience of their sport, from chatting with teammates before practice to planning their trip with their travel team. Male coaches should look at this as a holistic experience rather than a linear one where things are only valuable if there are wins and losses.

Confidence is another issue that women face. No matter the level, many female soccer players tend to struggle with confidence issues. This is not to say that men and boys do not, but we’d be hard-pressed to find examples because they are taught through all parts of society to exude confidence.

We all know that being confident is something that is an inside job, but studies have shown that girls’ confidence tends to come from external sources, like parents, teachers, coaches, and, most definitely, social media. Male coaches need to understand this on a macro level. There is no question that coaches who show approval instead of overly harping on their players will see a happier and more confident team.

Overall, if we’ve learned anything from what’s been happening in the NWSL, it’s to listen to and believe women. We must start looking out for young girls playing soccer because if we don’t, we reinforce this inappropriate behavior.

Tips for Parents:

• Pay attention to what your daughter tells you about her experience. Does she seem happy? Is she improving? Motivated? You know your child best, so be in sync with her about her soccer life.
• Listen to the coach and how he speaks to the players.
• Encourage your daughter to be the best she can be, and not compare herself to others.

For Girls:

• Listen to the voice within you. If something feels weird or inappropriate, don’t brush it aside.
• Tell your parents or guardian if you feel you’ve been mistreated in any way.

We suggest everyone familiarize themselves with the tenets of Non-Violent Communication:

1 – Consciousness: a set of principles that support living a life of compassion, collaboration, courage, and authenticity
2 – Language: understanding how words contribute to connection or distance
3 – Communication Skills: knowing how to ask for what we want, how to hear others even if in disagreement, and
how to move towards solutions that work for all
4 – Means of Influence: sharing “power with others” rather than using “power over others.”

Featured image via Adobe Stock

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